Robert Volkerts

Just so we can start this review off on the right foot, let me first say that I saw this movie, I think, 2 weeks ago, and am just now writing the review. Why is this you ask? Because I simply forgot that I saw it.

Yesterday someone asked me if I had seen it, and told me they had not seen the review on my blog so they thought they would ask about it, and well…it struck me that I did see it, I had to double check my blog to see if I really hadn’t written a review for it yet.

With that being said, this movie is the most forgettable piece of work. I mean wow. It’s no joke. It’s almost like I blacked out for the duration of the movie.

It’s not a bad movie, no no. It’s action packed, you have a chuckle here and there. It’s alright at most. Worth going to the movies over? No. Rental? For sure.

So what does this movie do right?

It pays homage to the action movies of the past, with outrageous stunts and a ridiculously simple storyline. And of course action and gore galore.

What does this movie fuck up?

Plenty. First off, I did not like the special effects. There’s a healthy amount of blood in this movie, what’s the problem with it? Well…it’s CG. Not tomato sauce, or strawberry jello. It is computer generated blood.

At some point there’s a dude on fire. Also computer generated!

Whatever happened to stunt men? Whatever happened to red ooze and green slime?

Same thing ruined “Alice in Wonderland” for me a little bit, I mean c’mon…CG horses?! Hollywood cannot afford real horses anymore?! Man things have changed considerably since Hidalgo, Seabiscuit and Braveheart then.

Same thing ruined “Drag me to Hell”..CG everything. I don’t know how you can do a throwback to old action movies, where pretty much all the good stuff is computer generated and fake.

It takes so much away from the movie.

I can actually open up a big can of worms here, but I choose not to.

I will leave it at: “People depend on technology and the ease thereof, that they forget that the easier, more modern route is not always the way to go.

I mean look at the 3D fad! Hollywood loves it, they are going head on with 3D. Have you heard, or seen the rage, and pure hatred that is pouring out from everywhere across the world about 3D?! How people don’t want it, how they promise to not watch TV anymore when it’s all gone 3D?

What about the articles about how dangerous 3D is for our eyesight. And yet 3D gaming, 3D TV, 3D movies, 3D newspapers and magazines. Oh yes, it’s all coming.

Guys, part of why I loved the action genre so much was that because when a body exploded on screen it would literally be a bag of ground beef, some ooze, food coloring and God knows what else, would actually explode, and you know what? It looked far more real than the Toy Story gag they pulled on us here in this feature.

Now this is a little thing, but it surely knocked plenty of points off of the movie.

Also some cheap jokes here and there, not doing it for me. And of course the story is well…shitty.

They are moving ahead with a sequel so you know, I am looking forward to it, but this time, it is going to be a rental.

With a summer laden with team based action movies, the Expendables falls short of delivering something solid, or even delivering some competition with others like A-Team and The Losers.

Personally, this summer, when it comes to team based action flicks, A-Team and Predators take the cake.

Expendables, this movie has earned its title in full.

5/10

Posted at 9:23am and tagged with: one column, Reviews,.

This movie was a fun ride.

This movie does plenty of things right.Such as the action, and keeping the audience guessing up until the very end pretty much. The action isn’t anything we haven’t seen before, but it is very pleasing. So bravo to that.

My gripe is with the story. This is a movie that does everything in its power to make the viewer believe that there is a very intelligent and mysterious plot building here. Keeps you wondering if everyone is who they say they are, and trying to put the back story together. But in the end, that is its ultimate flaw in my opinion.

The story is very anticlimactic. I don’t want to spoil anything here for those of you who haven’t seen it, but I will say this; They had ample opportunity to turn this into something very intelligent and smart, but in the end, the most obvious thing you can possibly think of turns out to be the whole story, which to me, ruins it a bit.

I like the fact that the story touches on real life conspiracy theories about the Soviets to build this world where the Soviets are still a threat long after we think their fire has burnt out. I’ve always been fascinated with that period in time. Communism, Stalin, Hitler and so forth. They took something really interesting, and then simplified it to the point, that it’s just not that interesting anymore. Where it’s just another ho-hum action movie, and what looks to be an action series, as it ends in such a way that leads one to believe there’s more coming our way.

And of course this one too suffers from the summer movie Stigma of being..you guessed it..forgettable.

For the eye candy, I’d say check it out at the movies if you really want to go out and treat yourself one night. Purely to see all that chaos on the big screen.

Not bad, but not great Tovarish.

8/10

Posted at 4:24pm and tagged with: Reviews, one column,.

This is a nearly perfect summer treat!

Now I should state that the last time I have seen the original “Predator” was probably a bit over a decade ago. I remember though that it was an instant classic!

Every sequel, reinvention, re-imagining, re-hashing of the franchise since, was crap to me. Absolute shit. So in my mind, this is a direct sequel to the first. I simply pretend that they didn’t touch the franchise since the original. Much like the Terminator franchise, ended with the second one to me. Everything since, never happened.

First and foremost, this movie solidifies the fact that Adrian Brody makes for a kickass action star. The remaining cast were equally impressive. You get to love each and every stereotypical son of a bitch in the flick.

Trejo, as the bad ass Mexican, The Yakuza member, is by far one of my favorites, and has an absolutely epic scene in the movie, which you guys absolutely need to see to believe. The Russian was fantastic, reminding me a bit of Arnold’s character in the original. Big, Bulky and Brave. Triple B is always winner winner chicken dinner in my book.

The character of Isabelle was also very well done, complimenting Brody’s character Royce. I remember her from the Television series Heroes, and she did a fine job in this movie. Also the African Badass Mombasa, was the shit. I just wish I could have seen him in action a bit more.

Laurence Fishburne’s Noland turns out to be probably my favorite character next to Royce. He is a major badass in the movie, and the sole survivor on the planet for ten straight hunting seasons. And this is where my only gripe with the movie lies. His character is so wise, so badass, so seasoned and skilled and yet, you never see him do anything impressive in the film, his entrance was much much more epic than his departure, and I feel like they could have done more with the character. Personally, I would have loved to see him take on a predator one on one. That would have been epic, and a shiny red cherry on this perfect little pie. But alas, I suppose, some things weren’t meant to be.

They even pay homage to the original, referring to the incident, and speaking a bit about Arnold’s character, and touching on the aftermath a bit.

When it comes to the alien planet and the race of the predators themselves, Rodriguez did a fine job fleshing them out, which is one of the driving forces behind why this movie is so great. You see other kinds of predators, including predator hounds, something no one bothered to do since the original. The planet itself was very well done, not over the top, just right. Filmed in forests and jungles around our very planet, with a touch of CG here and there, brought this believable alien planet to life.

All in all, if you ever liked predators, watch this, this is what all predator fans have been yearning for for a very long time.

And if you like action, look no further. This is it.

Absolutely fantastic movie, that just might find it’s way into my impressive movie collection.

Bravo Rodriguez, you did it again. But then again, when don’t you bring home the bacon?

9/10.

Posted at 5:35pm and tagged with: Reviews, one column,.

My preview was pretty much spot on.

Let me start by stating again that I never saw the original TV series. So I am reviewing this as a stand alone film, and as a stand alone film this movie was fantastic!

Of course I knew a few things going into the movie, some of the stuff the old series was famous for, such as Mr.T’s famous line “I pity the fool!” and other such fun facts about the series.

This film nods at those little things the old series was famous for, but it never uses those things as a crutch. It does not rely on the accomplishments of the series for it’s success or entertainment.

This is a completely fresh take on all of it as far as I’m concerned. The casting in my opinion is top notch and the chemistry between the team is great!

I can sum up this movie real quick.

What I loves a whole lot about this movie is that it reminds me of those good ol’ action movies form the 80’s and 90’s. And you can take my word for it when I say, that they don’t make ‘em like that anymore. Well they did with this one.

Yes, the stunts and action are completely absurd, and impossible, but if you were expecting otherwise, I don’t know what you’re doing watching this movie in the first place, as it didn’t market itself as anything less.

The humor is absolutely fantastic. They did a great job of it, it’s never over the top, and never cheap. It’s clever humor, and it hits the spot.

The action is fantastic eye candy and it keeps you where you need to be, which is at the edge of your seat!

And most importantly the story. It is actually pretty damn good. The plot twists are solid, and the story is what it should be; Betrayal, illusions and lies. A fine chess game of a plot I would say.

All in all this movie is highly entertaining and does every little thing a summer movie should! Though it does suffer from the same thing pretty much all summer movies suffer from (Minus Karate Kid), which is, I have a feeling it’s forgettable. It is one of those movies, where I could watch a few times in a lifetime, but it’s forgettable; it does not stick to you like glue. That is what I feel right now after having watched it.

This one is a must watch for action fans and comedy fans. If you like Michael Bay’s “Bad Boys” series, this movie is for you. So check it out, and do yourself a favor, watch it on the big screen. The eye candy is worth it.

9/10

Posted at 4:55pm and tagged with: Reviews, one column,.