Robert Volkerts

Why thank you. I really appreciate the compliment. Well…Why am I so out of touch with the world? Tough cookie..Well there are various reasons, and none of them are premeditated. I mean that’s sort of the way my mind works. I never think about stuff, but I’m thinking about everything all the time, I just don’t know it until it’s summoned upon or triggered. Oh well..ranting. One of the reasons is definitely because I feel very misunderstood. And I know this is going to sound very narcissistic of me but I feel like my thoughts and my opinions are privileged. I like to share things but only when I have a really heavy feeling that whoever I’m interacting with can empathize or understand where I’m coming from. My priorities are all over the place. Completely fucked. So I feel like the more I share with the world about how I really feel, the more people are going to shy away from me, and I don’t need more of that in my life. Another is that I have no privacy. Due to the conditions in which I live in my personal life, I have zero privacy. So I think that subconsciously I try to build this sort of artificial privacy where I could hide and gather my thoughts, and be my weird self without people having to intervene.

And another things might be my mother’s side of the family. They’re hermits. They have little to no friends, and they keep to themselves, so I might have a little of that in my gene pool.

To summarize my answer; I don’t do it on purpose. Most of the time I don’t realize that I’m M.I.A until alarms sound off. But by then I have to deal with the drama of being misunderstood and judged. And I have to justify and explain my absence, which I’m not a big fan of.

I’m complicated, and I mean well. But I suppose everyone needs a vent. A place to go. And to me, that is to burn bridges with a purging fire and then to bask in film, music and literature.

I secretly like falling off the grid. It makes me feel…untouchable. It makes me feel safe.

I’m sorry. I’ll try to share. Ask me stuff. I’ll do my best to answer. It’s okay to yank me out of my shell sometimes.

-Rob.

Posted at 2:49am and tagged with: Questions, one column,.